Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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