he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
