She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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