My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
