I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
