I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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