Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
