i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
