Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
