He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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