the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
