Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
