dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
