Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's the barista slut.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
