DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
