My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
