You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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