At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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