The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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