super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
