Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
