omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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