This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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