porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sext me about skeletons
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
