Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
