i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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