If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
