I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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