is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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