He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
