I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
