Define "chronic" masturbator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
