he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
