um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
