I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
