I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
