Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Will exercising make me less horny?
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