drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
