i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
