Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
