I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
