So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
