she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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