Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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