Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize