We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
