i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
