well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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