I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
