She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
