His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
